Still
by ZheM
Summary: Returning from an overdue mission Kakashi makes a life changing phone call. KakaIru probably OOC
1. Chapter 1

This is the newly editted version of chapter one. Not a hugely noticeable difference really. Oh well, I like it better this way. Anyway, this was still my first attempt at KakaIru and I know that they really ended up being ooc...

_**Still**_

**Chapter 1**

ZzZ

The door slammed shut behind him with a very audible bang; if he'd been more alert he probably wouldn't have jumped. As it was, his heart hammered in his throat like he'd just finished a very long undercover mission, which was fitting because he had. He slumped tiredly against the cool glass before reaching for the phone.

Kakashi ran a weary, blood-spattered hand through his hair and dialed the number preserved in his memory. It only rang a few times before Iruka's soft voice came over the line and Kakashi smiled faintly at the drowsiness the chuunin's voice carried. His brunette had no idea what tired really meant.

"Hey, baby, it's been a long seven weeks. I'm a little cut up but I'm coming home. I know I haven't called since I had to leave and I'm sorry I couldn't tell you where I was going. Mission parameters, you know how it is. Is everything ok?"

Iruka took a shaky breath and looked down at the phone cord wrapped around his fingers. "Ah, Kakashi, I'm glad you're okay," he whispered before swallowing carefully. "You're ok…" His fingers fidgeted with the springy cord carefully tying it into knots before unwinding them and starting the process over again.

"Iruka," Kakashi questioned, his voice not even close to hiding the hurting curiosity of his words. "Is something wrong?"

"There's something I have to tell you, Kakashi," Iruka began, his voice growing more confident with each word. The silver haired ninja felt his gut clench in fear. There was no way this was going to be good.

"Ah," he scratched carefully at the fresh scar over his ANBU tattoo and waited for the words he'd been expecting. Kakashi's expectations were never disappointed; it was something he found highly… disappointing.

Iruka's silence was long and the jounin began to wonder if he'd lost the call. It was so quiet that when the chuunin's voice finally came down the line it had Kakashi's full attention. "Do-don't come home," the voice he loved so much begged him.

Kakashi squinted out into the surrounding darkness as an icy grip tightened around his heart. "Why?" He tried, he really did. He tried to keep his voice steady but there was still a slight hitch in it that betrayed the fear he felt.

There was a soft sob on the other end and Kakashi grabbed the only thing handy. His grip tightened around the kunai he'd palmed and he tried to focus all of his emotion into the small piece of folded steel. "Why? Iruka, why?"

"I won't be here," the brunette whispered fiercely, shocking Kakashi enough that he almost dropped the phone. "I won't be here; I'll be with… someone else. He's great, he's here for me, and he doesn't take long missions without saying a word to me. He's, he's great…" Iruka's voice softened as he talked about this new man, it softened the way it used to when he talked about Kakashi, but not anymore.

He was never really surprised when his partners decided to replace him. It was the natural order of things for Kakashi. But Iruka… He was supposed to be different; he was supposed to know that the mission was what Kakashi cared about most, what he could never refuse. Iruka was supposed to understand how important that was to him. How important it was to Kakashi to not end up like his father.

But maybe the dark haired chuunin had never really understood. Maybe he had expected to become as important to Kakashi. Maybe if he'd stayed with Kakashi a little longer he would have gotten to where his expectations where never disappointed. They were never disappointed because he had none.

"I'm sorry I let it go this far," Kakashi trailed off as his mind chose this moment to remind him of all his favorite things about the dark haired man. "There's so much I'll miss about you." He'd have to get really drunk later to wash them away, and even then… He looked down at the kunai still fisted in his hand.

"Kakashi," Iruka hesitated as though afraid of the next words to come out of his mouth.

"It's alright, Iruka. If I hurry I can still meet up with my team for the rest of the mission. It's okay. I gotta go now, baby. If I hurry…I can still meet them." He looked down at the phone in his hand and sighed regretfully before dropping it and walking away. He was always walking away.

Kakashi summoned his chakra for the long distance run he was gonna have to make and grunted as his wounds reacted. He might not even make it there. He ran. He ran away from the sound of Iruka's voice but in the wind he could still here that soft voice tell him not to come home. Maybe Iruka would get his wish.

ZzZ


	2. Chapter 2

A second chapter that I never intended to write... I feel bad now... This is kind of a bridge to the sequel Durgas Dragon wrote for the first chapter of this fic... Though that doesn't mean I don't love all the sequels everyone wrote for this. I'm very flattered actually. This just sort of... happened.

Still Chapter 2: Better Than Me

ZzZ

He was bleeding pretty heavily by the time he caught up with his team. Kakashi didn't know how much of a help he would be in his current condition but if nothing else, maybe he could provide a good decoy.

The wind was cold against his open wounds, causing the blood to dry faster than it normally would. At least he could be thankful for that, though it did make his ANBU uniform stick to him in odd ways.

Kakashi pulled uncomfortably at the driest areas as he regrouped with his team. Fortunately, out of the four of them, he had the best sense of smell and it was dark enough that the other three took no notice of the extra blood on his uniform. They were bloody too, so maybe they wouldn't pay very much attention to his injuries.

A female ANBU to his left turned to Kakashi with her head cocked in a questioning way. "Thought you were going home, love-puppy," her smile was obvious though it was covered by her rat-shaped mask. "Something about someone better than your teammates waiting for you in Konoha. Sounded pretty interesting to me. Maybe I should pay him a visit. Let the cute little chuunin know what he's missing out on."

Kakashi tried not to stiffen at the mention of Iruka but it was hard. He attempted to shrug nonchalantly. "Change of plans."

"I thought you were all excited to get home, couldn't wait to finish your part in this mission because you didn't get to tell him you were leaving." She peered at him closely, trying to see underneath the underneath. He was hiding something. And that wasn't good, they were a team. Secrets could get them killed.

They should have been the ones setting the trap, not the ones falling into it. There was no time for reproaching them though; his squad had to get out alive. The attack had surprised him more than it should have, and the kunai buried below his left shoulder blade didn't make Kakashi feel any better.

The rest of the team was running ahead of him as Kakashi took up the rear. He was almost glad they were in such a hurry so they wouldn't notice as he fell behind.

He knew when they weren't being followed anymore but Kakashi didn't want to call them back. It was better for all of them if he let them go on. He landed quietly on a larger tree branch and leaned heavily against the trunk. "I haven't been this tired since…" he trailed, scratching the back of his head in thought. Finally he shrugged. Maybe he'd never been so tired.

Blood welled up through the new openings in his shirt. Iruka would be pissed when he got home. Kakashi snorted behind his mask as he pictured the look on Iruka's face when he came walking up the stairs. The chuunin was always cutest when he was out for blood. It took a moment for his mind to remember that Iruka wouldn't be there. Didn't want to be there. Iruka didn't want him anymore. The silver-haired man's shoulders slumped even further with his realization. He sighed softly and shook his head. When it was up to him, whatever Iruka wanted, Iruka got.

A dark eye looked up at the sky. It wasn't up to him anymore. It was in someone else's hands now and for the first time in a long time, Kakashi felt a little afraid. Was there someone up there watching him now? Judging everything he had ever done in his life. The few good things and all the bad ones. So many bad things. It was all part of being a ninja but that meant nothing when measured against what he should have done. He traced the stars in the sky and hoped that he wasn't a fool. 'If you're there, I'm sorry. I've done things… terrible things. There's no way I can make up for it. But if someone's there, forgive me.'

"Dog, what are you doing back here," the same female from before asked. She knelt down beside him and looked Kakashi over with a critical eye. "This one here is serious," Rat whispered as she felt his stomach. He winced and her sharp eye was back on his face. It must hurt if he was showing pain.

"Get out of here," he grunted, pushing her hands away. Kakashi frowned when she didn't move but it was hidden behind his mask. That thing was a pain in the ass sometimes.

"Forget it, Kakashi-senpai. You never leave a comrade behind, remember."

Kakashi secretly hated it when his students paid attention to things he said. It always got thrown back in his face eventually. Case in point: Naruto and Sasuke. It was obvious that the comrade thing was what Naruto took to heart. He was a pain in the ass too. Suddenly Kakashi wanted nothing more than to be back with Team 7. Back before Orochimaru and Itachi, back before Kyuubi became too much for even Naruto to handle, back when Iruka had loved him. His breath hitched and the female ANBU reached out for him again. Kakashi shrugged her off again.

"Kakashi, we gotta get you home." She smiled at him before wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. "You've got someone waiting on you." Her smile faded when he shook his head.

"No, no one, not anymore." Kakashi looked away and took a deep breath, frowning at the wet sound his lungs made now. His hand patted his pants pocket as though he was looking for something and she pushed him out of the way to fish out a small box.

"And just what is this, Kakashi?" Her eyes were smiling at him as she opened it to reveal two gold bands. "Is this what you were doing in that little shop?"

Somehow, even with his whole face covered, Kakashi managed to look sheepish. He started to reply before he choked a little and just nodded.

"For Iruka?"

The silver head nodded again and Kakashi drew in a shaky breath. "Only for 'Ruka."

She was getting worried as he seemed to work harder to breathe normally. "This isn't good, Kakashi." He shook his head and wrapped her fingers tightly around the box.

"Doesn't matter now," Kakashi mumbled. He let go of her hand and slumped against the tree again. It was harder to breathe now and he seemed to taking longer to respond. "Will you do something for me? Just this once?"

She nodded swiftly, watching as he slid further down the tree. "What, Kakashi?"

"I-i-ruka, t-tell, tell 'im," his breathing was becoming ragged and it was hard for her to understand exactly what he was trying to say.

"Dog, Dog, Kakashi, slow down, slow down. What do you want me to tell Iruka?" She pulled him up against her, trying to support him well enough for him to speak.

"Tell him," he stopped to take a deep breath. "Tell him, I-I'm sorry. Sorry…"

"Sorry for what, Kakashi?? What do you have to be sorry for?"

"Didn't tell… ANBU… doesn't know… Love him," he seemed to be getting tired, each word coming slower than the one before it. His movements were slow when he reached up to pull off the ANBU mask that designated him Dog. Kakashi held it out to her in an ever weakening grip. "Give…to him… Iruka… Sorry."

He wasn't the first teammate to die in her arms and the female ANBU knew he wouldn't be the last, but he was different then any of the others would ever be. He was Sharingan Kakashi, the copy ninja, he wasn't meant to die like this, bleeding to death in the arms of someone who wasn't precious to him. He was better than that, deserved better. He was meant to…

She pressed a careful hand to his face, gently closing his mismatched eyes for the last time. He was better than this.

ZzZ

This chapter was actually the reason Sisco made me write _Our Little Boy is Growing Up. _I angsted her to death... Poor thing. XD


End file.
